We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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