im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it penis luge time yet?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
