yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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