Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
