i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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