I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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