Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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