How'd it feel making her break her religion?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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