Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
