I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
