I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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