I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
