hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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