I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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