Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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