my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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