he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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