dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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