she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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