She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
