I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
