oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
