Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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