is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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