My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
