he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
