It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have fence marks all over my body
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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