i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
