Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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