you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im six kinds of drunk right now
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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