Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Less talking, more tequila
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
