And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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