dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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