im holly from the hills drunk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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