My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
