This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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