Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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