I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
