I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
