I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
