I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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