If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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