I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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