I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
