She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
