i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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