Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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