Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
