How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
