I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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