Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
