The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
