I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
