i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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