Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
